On a hill in my elementary school yard
I almost started a war
it was close
see, long ago these things are decided
at a very early age
it was us nerds against the popular, athletic and good looking
my next door neighbor who was frequently
locked out of his own house
because his parents couldn’t even stand him
as my 2nd in command
talk had been escalating for weeks
with me scaring the boys just because I had a hand-me-down shirt from my brother that said, “Kemmerer Wrestling” on it
I, of course, told them I knew all about wrestling
and had been in the team even!
Boy, were they going to get it!
The day of our rumble
with the class boys (and me) almost evenly divided
between the Haves and the Have-nots
my 4th grade teacher pulled me aside
and said there wasn’t going to be any of that
and I had to stay in for detention during recess the rest of the week
I was actually relieved someone told the teacher
we would have undoubtedly gotten our asses kicked anyway
in that day and age before semi-automatics
and video games that teach you how to fire them upon others.
Today all the shrubs are gone from that hill and some trees
our battle was to occur at
they put a fence around the entire yard in the hopes of making it more secure
almost immediately someone stuck a pipe bomb in the fence
and with so many other school incidents
security is tight
there isn’t even a hiding place to conspire now
but I’m more afraid for the kids now than ever
the shrubs and trees being missing, the fence being there, eyes that always watch don’t help
its just scarier and adds to the atmosphere of siege
this feeling of waiting for something inevitably more horrible than the last sets in…
Did you know we are supposed to be LEARNING something from God here? That is why I was sent here.
But you don’t listen. You don’t learn.
You think I’m beneath you.
You think you are superior to me.
That’s what I learned from the psychologists who never would listen or take what I was saying seriously to the religious people who just kept saying only their word is right to the young skateboarders who weren’t even born when I started skateboarding who don’t even think I’m worth taking a picture of, even though I might happen to be the only woman to show up to ride in 1/2 marathons and try to slide really steep hills, let alone at my advanced age of 40 and can only put me down and call me names.
For my word is worthless, my image is worthless, and the amount that I have suffered and died for your problems (for your sins=because you FUCKED UP) is worthless and I am an utter wretch to even suggest that you should go out of your way to HELP me out so that I could be able to help you.
This is what I’ve gotten from you lately.
You wouldn’t help Jesus because you’re only looking for a hand out yourself, so therefore you don’t get SHIT. Get the fuck out of here losers and don’t come back until you can VALUE other people’s lives more. See, I only help GOOD people who help others, not bad people who only PRETEND to care. There’s a big difference between saying it and doing it in practical application isn’t there?
I verily only reflect what I’ve been served. If you don’t like it, then quit projecting such EVIL upon others. Why don’t you try to value what others say and do equally instead of placing more value upon some while others have none?
Why is it that you feel it is OK to walk away from a person and say, “they don’t matter” or “they are worthless” so that you don’t have to listen or learn? Do you feel it is OK to put others in the garbage can so you can walk away clean? See, there’s just a real problem here with EVERYONE it seems. Nazis threw away others beliefs and lives too, but you do it today under the guise of such a nice face that you aren’t even aware you are being evil. Its just “what they deserve” isn’t it? Because you’ve drawn a line between you and them you feel its OK then to throw them away? Lets take a look at that line between you and “them”, shall we?
I may have became more prejudice against the popular kids throughout school, for Jr. High and the whole lunch room scene was even worse for cliques and people being excluded and marginalized and made fun of, but I also had some very good experiences with others that made me fairly blind to such inequalities for a long time. The only reason I have problems now is not because of my prejudice, but because of others towards me, I really don’t have anything against pretty girls or dressing like one- I figure what you look like is the way you were born and what you think is cool looking is about as static as that too- very unchangeable really. Why should I be against someone for something superficial like the way they look? Isn’t that the very reason that I’ve personally been hurt by others?
Oh yes, let me pull the dagger out of my own back and stab you? Not.
Anyway, I’d kind of rather get over the whole stabby thing entirely.
One of my friends from my days in the circus is a woman who was an assistant for fire breathing and whips and did acrobatics. She was very pretty and blonde and looked very good in the skin tight outfits made to show off the feminine form- not a girl I might have normally associated with in school- but we were still friends because we hung out all the time through the circus. During the summer we traveled all over and we all had to work together- which we did and never had any issues, we just became family though everybody was different.
I also had the good fortune of being semi-talented myself at something (snowboarding) for a while, which did wonders for my self esteem as well. But lots of people never get the chance to really know anyone on the other side of the fence or even get to be one of those people for a while. There is only just you and “them”, and unfortunately that “them” part works both ways. As an underdog you see those with better fortune as “them”, and if you have better fortune the “them” is always that other you DEFINITELY are not. But the truth is that we are all very similar creatures, not very different at all.
I think about my blonde perfect friend who looked so sexily mature even at 16 who is now married to a perfectly nice fellow but has two children with extreme medical issues- its a wonder either one of them have made it- where every day is just a struggle (and triumph) and I just hope they do OK. Doesn’t really matter that I don’t have a husband and never will or any kids. If they were my kids I would want the best for them and I’m pretty sure they are getting it with their fine Mother.
Until that point in which you become them and they become you (or could be) then we will perpetually be taking sides. But I just as easily could have been you or you me if God would have had you be created as such. Its not by choice though and we certainly shouldn’t fight each other over such things or dispose entirely of people’s lives. Could have been the “coolest” but instead you were just some dude at Goodwill who tries so hard to say the right thing at the right time but instead all that comes out is, “thhspppp yellow horn shooooop!”
Don’t be a hater.
Just because God gave you more doesn’t mean you DESERVED it. No one deserves to go around saying, “thhspppp yellow horn shooooop!” if you actually have something to say to someone else, particularly a cute girl you are trying to impress. NO ONE.
Compassion is key! Try it!
Or you could be made like this:
Why hate because of what God gives to you (or doesn’t)?
Which of these pulls the trigger on these school shootings? Is it the sentiment against the ugly person, or the sentiment against the beautiful person who “has it all”?
It’s hard to see people equally I know, but maybe if you practice at it, you’ll get it and we can ALL stop being prejudice.