Penis Envy

Freud tells us more about him than he says of us.

“You don’t say? And this is what you think is important? Very interesting you brought that up in the conversation so many times…” I could see me conveying to him as he lays on the leather couch in my study.

But the audacity of the female to be better than you


for that is a blow to the psyche of man

you shall never recover from.

All that without a cock?

How is this possibly without this great and wondrous thing

in which all life revolves around?

Dr. Sigmund Freud

Dr. Sigmund Freud whom it is believed loved cigars more than women. Always a cigar in hand!


Class Warfare

On a hill in my elementary school yard

I almost started a war

it was close

see, long ago these things are decided

at a very early age

it was us nerds against the popular, athletic and good looking

with Gary

my next door neighbor who was frequently

locked out of his own house

because his parents couldn’t even stand him

as my 2nd in command

talk had been escalating for weeks

with me scaring the boys just because I had a hand-me-down shirt from my brother that said, “Kemmerer Wrestling” on it

I, of course, told them I knew all about wrestling

and had been in the team even!

Boy, were they going to get it!


The day of our rumble

with the class boys (and me) almost evenly divided

between the Haves and the Have-nots

my 4th grade teacher pulled me aside

and said there wasn’t going to be any of that

and I had to stay in for detention during recess the rest of the week


I was actually relieved someone told the teacher

we would have undoubtedly gotten our asses kicked anyway

in that day and age before semi-automatics

and video games that teach you how to fire them upon others.

My Elementary School

Today all the shrubs are gone from that hill and some trees

our battle was to occur at

they put a fence around the entire yard in the hopes of making it more secure

almost immediately someone stuck a pipe bomb in the fence

and with so many other school incidents

security is tight

there isn’t even a hiding place to conspire now

but I’m more afraid for the kids now than ever

the shrubs and trees being missing, the fence being there, eyes that always watch don’t help

its just scarier and adds to the atmosphere of siege

this feeling of waiting for something inevitably more horrible than the last sets in…


Did you know we are supposed to be LEARNING something from God here? That is why I was sent here.

But you don’t listen. You don’t learn.

You think I’m beneath you.

You think you are superior to me.

That’s what I learned from the psychologists who never would listen or take what I was saying seriously to the religious people who just kept saying only their word is right to the young skateboarders who weren’t even born when I started skateboarding who don’t even think I’m worth taking a picture of, even though I might happen to be the only woman to show up to ride in 1/2 marathons and try to slide really steep hills, let alone at my advanced age of 40 and can only put me down and call me names.

For my word is worthless, my image is worthless, and the amount that I have suffered and died for your problems (for your sins=because you FUCKED UP) is worthless and I am an utter wretch to even suggest that you should go out of your way to HELP me out so that I could be able to help you.

This is what I’ve gotten from you lately.

You wouldn’t help Jesus because you’re only looking for a hand out yourself, so therefore you don’t get SHIT. Get the fuck out of here losers and don’t come back until you can VALUE other people’s lives more. See, I only help GOOD people who help others, not bad people who only PRETEND to care. There’s a big difference between saying it and doing it in practical application isn’t there?

I verily only reflect what I’ve been served. If you don’t like it, then quit projecting such EVIL upon others. Why don’t you try to value what others say and do equally instead of placing more value upon some while others have none?

Why is it that you feel it is OK to walk away from a person and say, “they don’t matter” or “they are worthless” so that you don’t have to listen or learn? Do you feel it is OK to put others in the garbage can so you can walk away clean? See, there’s just a real problem here with EVERYONE it seems. Nazis threw away others beliefs and lives too, but you do it today under the guise of such a nice face that you aren’t even aware you are being evil. Its just “what they deserve” isn’t it? Because you’ve drawn a line between you and them you feel its OK then to throw them away? Lets take a look at that line between you and “them”, shall we?

I may have became more prejudice against the popular kids throughout school, for Jr. High and the whole lunch room scene was even worse for cliques and people being excluded and marginalized and made fun of, but I also had some very good experiences with others that made me fairly blind to such inequalities for a long time. The only reason I have problems now is not because of my prejudice, but because of others towards me, I really don’t have anything against pretty girls or dressing like one- I figure what you look like is the way you were born and what you think is cool looking is about as static as that too- very unchangeable really. Why should I be against someone for something superficial like the way they look? Isn’t that the very reason that I’ve personally been hurt by others?

Oh yes, let me pull the dagger out of my own back and stab you? Not.

Anyway, I’d kind of rather get over the whole stabby thing entirely.

One of my friends from my days in the circus is a woman who was an assistant for fire breathing and whips and did acrobatics. She was very pretty and blonde and looked very good in the skin tight outfits made to show off the feminine form- not a girl I might have normally associated with in school- but we were still friends because we hung out all the time through the circus. During the summer we traveled all over and we all had to work together- which we did and never had any issues, we just became family though everybody was different.

I also had the good fortune of being semi-talented myself at something (snowboarding) for a while, which did wonders for my self esteem as well. But lots of people never get the chance to really know anyone on the other side of the fence or even get to be one of those people for a while. There is only just you and “them”, and unfortunately that “them” part works both ways. As an underdog you see those with better fortune as “them”, and if you have better fortune the “them” is always that other you DEFINITELY are not. But the truth is that we are all very similar creatures, not very different at all.

I think about my blonde perfect friend who looked so sexily mature even at 16 who is now married to a perfectly nice fellow but has two children with extreme medical issues- its a wonder either one of them have made it- where every day is just a struggle (and triumph) and I just hope they do OK. Doesn’t really matter that I don’t have a husband and never will or any kids. If they were my kids I would want the best for them and I’m pretty sure they are getting it with their fine Mother.

Until that point in which you become them and they become you (or could be) then we will perpetually be taking sides. But I just as easily could have been you or you me if God would have had you be created as such. Its not by choice though and we certainly shouldn’t fight each other over such things or dispose entirely of people’s lives. Could have been the “coolest” but instead you were just some dude at Goodwill who tries so hard to say the right thing at the right time but instead all that comes out is, “thhspppp yellow horn shooooop!”

Don’t be a hater.

Just because God gave you more doesn’t mean you DESERVED it. No one deserves to go around saying, “thhspppp yellow horn shooooop!” if you actually have something to say to someone else, particularly a cute girl you are trying to impress. NO ONE.

Compassion is key! Try it!

ugly6 Just think, God could have done this to you! Have mercy!

Or you could be made like this:


Why hate because of what God gives to you (or doesn’t)?

Which of these pulls the trigger on these school shootings? Is it the sentiment against the ugly person, or the sentiment against the beautiful person who “has it all”?

It’s hard to see people equally I know, but maybe if you practice at it, you’ll get it and we can ALL stop being prejudice.

War of the Plastic People I

That cursed day began with lines drawn and sides taken- Maggie led the charge for the side of good (bless her courageous heart) along with Yoda, and the fate of all of the universe's future was in the hands of just a couple very, very small people.

That cursed day began with lines drawn and sides taken- Maggie led the charge for the side of good (bless her courageous heart) along with Yoda, and the fate of all of the universe’s future was in the hands of just a couple very, very small people.

Horses hooves, rows of black with errant knight helmets shown in the dawn. For there was battle in the air and no character worth his plastic was going to miss it.

Horses hooves, rows of black with errant knight helmets shone bright at dawn. Bridles readied, swords in hand, the various pieces of armor all found from far flung places and shined and worn for the occasion. For there was battle in the air and no character worth his plastic was going to miss it.

To be continued…

Art ate my heart and spit out this crap

After being unable to express what I believe and feel through the standard methods of using language and speaking I’m trying to use art.

Funny thing is that I’m here to protest my story being prostituted for money- a fact you’re at a complete failure to get- so if I was a “sucessful” artist- would I not become the very thing that I came to protest about?

It verily is a form of madness within itself- over 100 works since I started a couple months ago:

paintings 004 paintings 009 paintings 014

God says to me, “Build me an ark.”

I told him, “You didn’t pay me for the last job I did for you, how am I supposed to afford the materials for an ark?”

“Its an analogy.”

“To what?”

“A flood, did you already forget what boats are for? I gave you an education this time around, and is not 67 feet of paper made from Mulberries so fine Moses with his papyrus would have been envious being shipped from as we speak? What more do you want? Leonardo di ser Piero da Vinci didn’t have as fine of paint as what you have either, and your ink is in every way as black and smooth and permanent as the best Chinese calligrapher could dream! I’ve also given you plenty of information to work with- like everything that is known about everything without even having to go to a library for it, and statistics on reality so we need not go by hearsay any information or be mislead by politics.”

So I build I suppose, they all think I’m crazy and will not listen, but God says someday your barren deserts in which no amount of effort will make even a single seed sprout- shall become a bounty with lakes and rivers and reeds and birds and fish, and food- glorious food again! But you surely do need a better instruction manual than the ones currently in use that contains more up to date and useful information as well as analysis as to what has already been said/happened when such times become fertile for such and your ear is open. Its so tough to admit that someone else knows more than you isn’t it? I think at least a book should be devoted to the analysis of your ego. When was it that you came to believe you were God itself again? Not any worship of false idols or anything going on in those selfie shots is there? But you know it all huh? Sure, sure, you do…

Your attitude isn’t helping me very much actually- I’m really thinking about leaving your sorry asses on this planet where your greed and narcissism as well as callousness towards others suffering will obviously lead to everyone’s unfortunate demise- YOUR planet will be destroyed and YOU will be to blame. The end.

Take this job and shove it- I ain’t working here no more!

And if God meant for me to be listened to- wouldn’t it have at least given me some talents or skills or good looks or at least charisma since everything is just a popularity contest? Oh well, good riddance.

I know you’ll never listen no matter how many colors I paint it in, no matter how clever the examples I use, it will never ever be good enough for you! That is what I’ve certainly learned during the course of my lifetime.

I drown.

The paint won’t wash that away.

I’m just waiting for my house to burn down.

Then I will truly have nothing, just as God wants it.

All gone.

All destroyed.

All hope flew away on ashes, on smoke.

So much potential.

All gone.

Only bad people

selfish ones

live here now

where did all the good people go?

when you make a million saying that

but never get you were dancing in the blood

the blood

the blood

To Plead the 5th

“One cannot be compelled to be a witness against oneself,” the 5th amendment to the US Constitution states.


“You have the right to remain silent” is sounding like the warning that comes with movies: “Any likeness to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.”

Upside down star

Let’s think about this shall we?

If one were, say compelled to be a witness against oneself, we’d get all the murderers and child molesters off the streets in one fell swoop, and bring home many of the milk carton kids- or at least allow their parents to have closure, now wouldn’t we? I mean, if its left up to someone else to clean up your shit for you we’re never going to catch the Jeffrey Dahmer’s and pimps. But what can compel people to turn themselves in?

See, if you ACCEPT God creates all and ultimately manipulated you into doing bad things to others, it becomes easier to be truthful about it, because you no longer feel it is all your fault and you have to save just your own ass.

Also if you ACCEPT God creates all and ultimately manipulated others into doing bad things to others, if becomes easier to be nicer to people and more compassionate, which in turn, will make them more likely to turn themselves in- knowing they will receive fair and just treatment at your hands- hopefully. Its called “forgiveness”- heard of it? Comes from knowing God itself.

Don’t shelter the Devil aka God itself when it does bad and mistreats you so therefore you mistreat others. If you ain’t thinking right, it isn’t necessarily your fault and you could be just God’s latest victim to blame when it manipulates you into hurting others. Recognize the warning signs and get on a better path! Turn the asshole in before it kills and after!

Don’t keep blaming yourselves for your “father’s” abuse!  It’s abusive within itself!!!

Save the future Robin Williams’ of the world today and admit whose fault his death is:

Two Sides To Every Story & 1/2 the Story Has Never Been Told

One World, One God Yes, when God told you there was only one god, that means only one God- not that you are God nor that there is an actual other entity that is evil. All from one source and nothing is independent of such in any shape form or fashion.

Much like skateboarding and trying kickflips, though you’ve had some darn nice tries at monotheism and know what you are trying for in your mind (somewhat?), but you have to land on it and roll away… Do you know what falling is and that there is a certain amount of failure almost anyone goes through prior to success (think Edison)? 


My initials- My name is also synonymous with skateboard wheels...

My initials- My name is also synonymous with skateboard wheels…



Oh Justin! You really shouldn’t have….



This kid

who couldn’t even ollie

yet got full page posters in magazines of him


this is really why we hate him

the essence of it

because the rest of CAN ollie

yet we don’t get full page posters

and glorified for it






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