Fill Ted full of lead (pencil)

Ted Nugent IS one of the few real reasons to own a gun.
 

In honor of poor Ted’s soul that he sold to the devil long ago:

If Ted says its true- you know it isn’t! Careful of anything you get for “free”!

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That’s Cold

All I keep seeing is a cold sea (see)

vast

and just the tips of far huger things calved off of even more monumental things

and the floodwaters rise

I cannot get through to the upper decks where there is help

instead of this sure and certain tomb

and

I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?

Is this correct?

titaniclowerdeck

Not so good at keeping it in perspective

but your opulence won’t save your soul, on the contrary…

your movies are here today, gone tomorrow

if they are good stories

they will just remake them anyway

and make someone else a star

but yet you still think I’ve got a thing for Leonardo DiCaprio?

Or that I want to be a star?

Do I idolize you so much I think I am you?

Never were good at relationships or keeping it in perspective

like what it is really ALL ABOUT

like the STORY

obviously even at the end you are still highly delusional in your top hats and coat tails with your fine ball room gowns in the finest of silk who can’t stop drinking Champagne long enough to put on life jackets and take very real threats to ALL seriously.

To treasure hunters:

A story shall you be given

the jewel you seek

falls to the deep!

But quite a story huh?

How about you and your kind learn something instead of just serving yourselves and your egos, making a whole lot of money and thinking you are God itself? How about never discriminate against others again? How about helping each other EQUALLY without prejudice?

Can you do that O’ Ancient Mariners?

Penis Envy

Freud tells us more about him than he says of us.

“You don’t say? And this is what you think is important? Very interesting you brought that up in the conversation so many times…” I could see me conveying to him as he lays on the leather couch in my study.

But the audacity of the female to be better than you

WITHOUT A PENIS

for that is a blow to the psyche of man

you shall never recover from.

All that without a cock?

How is this possibly without this great and wondrous thing

in which all life revolves around?

Dr. Sigmund Freud

Dr. Sigmund Freud whom it is believed loved cigars more than women. Always a cigar in hand!

War of the Plastic People I

That cursed day began with lines drawn and sides taken- Maggie led the charge for the side of good (bless her courageous heart) along with Yoda, and the fate of all of the universe's future was in the hands of just a couple very, very small people.

That cursed day began with lines drawn and sides taken- Maggie led the charge for the side of good (bless her courageous heart) along with Yoda, and the fate of all of the universe’s future was in the hands of just a couple very, very small people.

Horses hooves, rows of black with errant knight helmets shown in the dawn. For there was battle in the air and no character worth his plastic was going to miss it.

Horses hooves, rows of black with errant knight helmets shone bright at dawn. Bridles readied, swords in hand, the various pieces of armor all found from far flung places and shined and worn for the occasion. For there was battle in the air and no character worth his plastic was going to miss it.

To be continued…

Laptissa’n and the Seven-Headed Monster

A Nez Perce myth from Folk Tales of Salish & Sahaptin Tribes- ed. Franz Boas- 1917

In the early days there was a chief who owned all kinds of property. He found the seven-headed monster running with his horses and his cattle. This kept up for several years, and the monster grew bigger and bigger. The chief thought it gave him a big name to have such an animal running in his stock, so he didn’t molest it.

Finally the monster began to kill off the stock. Then the chief wanted to kill the monster, but he did not know how to do it. He thought to himself, “Tomorrow I shall take half this band of Indians, and we shall just go and kill this monster.

(Shadow Wolves by nutty-acorn)

(Shadow Wolves by nutty-acorn)

So they went out to kill it, but when they came in sight of the monster, and fired at it, the monster attacked in turn, and began killing the Indians. It killed all who had gone out against it, except for the chief himself. After this, the chief was afraid to attack a second time, and resigned himself to the loss of his stock. Then the monster stopped killing stock and took to killing off Indians. It attacked the people in the village, and the chief made every effort to find a man who could win out over the monster.

Now there was a poor man in this band named Laptissa’n [Le Petit Jean]. This Laptissa’n told the chief that he would kill the monster if only the chief would furnish him with a mule. So the chief gave him a mule, and Laptissa’n went out. He did not know exactly what to do, but he began by riding round and round the monster on the mule. Finally he rode around so many times, that the monster grew weary watching, and fell asleep. Then Laptissa’n jumped off the mule, ran in, and cut the throat of the monster where the seven heads were joined to one neck.

(Sunset by kniggets)

(Sunset by kniggets)

Oh, Canada! Home of the thunderbirds & nudists!

alertbaychiefshouseOnce I hitchhiked to Canada

years ago before 9/11, before the border restrictions

no passport necessary

though the Canadians were very cautious about letting me into their country

with a backpack & a skateboard

my ride dropped me off before the border

and the guards interrogated me until they were sure I had enough money

and was going to go home again.

I’ve always been a big fan of all indigenous people

but am particularly fascinated by Indians & in particular NW Coast art and culture

much like some are big fans of sports teams or actors

I’m like this with the Haida, the Kwakiutl, the Tlingit

so I hitchhiked to Vancouver BC

just to go to the Museum of Anthropology at the University of British Columbia

carrying the largest collection of NW Coast art on the west coast

this after checking out every book I could with NW Coast Art in my local libraries & making a book of photocopies

studying forms and how it all works

shamans-world-lylewilson

What does it all mean?

Like some puzzle

difficult to decipher

perhaps part of the allure of the art

is that it is an abstraction of a real thing

but nothing is meaningless

just randomness

it all represents even in its most abstract form

real body parts in reality

real animals

& by a number of clues that repeat culturally

mysteries of identity are solved in every portrait

in every masterpiece

but only with a lot of knowledge

about what you are looking at

can you truly appreciate it

I spent days in the museum sketching artifacts

without a good camera

only a pencil and a sketchbook I still take ideas from today

though I have never, ever mastered the art

I do know what I’m looking at (sometimes)

after many years of studying

I don’t really know that I would use it because it isn’t mine culturally

for much more than what I do

painting forms on a skateboard

to entertain myself

newlamba

I just make do with what I get

which ain’t much

but if you just sit there and say you have nothing

life never goes anywhere & you never get to do anything

you got to take your chances if you’re really poor

otherwise you’d might as well just crawl into a hole & die

as much as you’ll see & do

Found out there was a nudist beach right below the museum

had a weird time with a Greek guy who I thought was going to sell me to an Armenian as a sex slave

and ended up sitting on some other portion of the shoreline closer to town

listening to a bum play guitar

as the sun set & I had no idea what to do

but hunker down in some boulders along this park

luckily the homeless bum turned out to be a nice guy

and not actually homeless at all

so I stayed that night at a house worth 4x’s as much as my parents

on the bums brother’s couch

whom I’m sure was a little freaked out

but did very well not to show it

when he woke up to find a total stranger

in the house with his 2 year old daughter & wife

his crazy brother had brought home

nice people really

you always hear of bums  being scammers

pretending that they are poor, then they have a nicer car & apartment than those they beg from

but this guy had some serious problems

nice guy

but just bent on preaching the gospel to people

not so noticeable while he had a guitar in hand

and he could talk normally

but as soon as we got on a bus in the morning

he was just talking, talking, talking all about God

to all these poor people whose body language and glances said it all:

“Buddy, I’m just trying to get to work here & I’m not at all awake nor prepared for this right now.”

Seriously, the guy could not shut up and just made himself a nusuance

like I do now to people on the internet

but I guess you don’t want to hear

I really

REALLY do have a message from God at this point?

Just want to keep doing whatever you were doing uninterrupted.

Got enough to worry about.

Sometimes it wasn’t about choice

it was about obligation

it wasn’t about giving you a hug

it was about doing the heimlich.

But yeah, made it back home, not a dent in the fender even after sleeping on the nudist beach the next night & being woken up in the morning by cops who pulled up in a hovercraft in the morning to tell me how dangerous it was to camp there. Thank you Royal Mounties!

Regrets of a Botanist

Was a vasculum upon a shelf

camera in a backpack in the corner

One of the few things that has changed for a field botanist in 100 years is the invention of plastic bags- prior to this plant specimens were tucked into cases like this- keeping them somewhat humid & uncrushed- until they could be pressed. This one was used at Albertson's College until being retired.

One of the few things that has changed for a field botanist in 100 years is the invention of plastic bags- prior to this plant specimens were tucked into cases like this- keeping them somewhat humid & uncrushed- until they could be pressed. This one was used at Albertson’s College until being retired.

Once I had the great privilege of meeting Patricia Packard, a botanist known throughout Idaho who had worked all her life at a very small college in southwest Idaho. This college also had a world class herbarium thanks to her lifelong work in the area, with the largest collection of local species even surpassing the nearby bigger and better funded state college collections. Now the herbarium has passed into another botanist’s capable hands, but Pat still spent a lot of her week there, working on this species or that, stacks of pressed plants still being analyzed though she’d gotten too old to hike and really hike and do field work for many years.

I volunteered at the herbarium and Pat asked me out to lunch one day. As I climbed into her Subaru Forester I saw she still had a rock hammer in the side pocket of the door- always prepared for that plant she might see along the road and collect as a specimen still.

Many people she didn’t get along with so well, but to me she was like a kindred spirit though old and a bit gruff on somedays or just very quiet, not outgoing but quite opinionated and still very much with it mentally. We got along great because of our shared love for plants- of the love of life and gaining knowledge of it. What a diverse lot plants are, to study an entire lifetime, but still only have eaten one little bite off a very, very big cake.

After a lifetime of exploring one of the most remote corners of the US- the Owyhee’s- a little corner of Oregon, Idaho, Nevada and Utah that is still today without even cell phone coverage or electricity, not to mention stores or paved roads- collecting thousands of specimens, many species Pat found were new to science. She also fostered a number of devoted botanists from the college who went on to become known in their own right. As a a scientist its against the rules to name things after yourself, but Pat has had a number of species named after her, often by her students who went on to discover new species-

Artemisia packardiae– Packard’s wormwood: a type of sagebrush

Astragalus cusickii var. packardiae– Packard’s milkvetch: related to peas

Eriogonum shockleyi var. packardiae– Shockey’s buckwheat: a very rare thing that looks sort of like a cow pie. Cute little flowers when it blooms though.

Lomatium packardiae– Packard’s desertparsley: a very confusing biscuitroot whose identity is still sort of in question- it’s yellow flowered like least 12 other Lomatiums adding to the confusion

Mentzelia packardiae– Packard’s blazingstar: a bright little yellow flower that grows- like all of these plants- in very specific habitats extremely dependent on soils- the rare geology found in SW Idaho and Owyhees.

Lomatium packardiae- Packard's desertparsley

Lomatium packardiae- Packard’s desertparsley

As we sat at lunch, me having some weird concoction that they apparently called Mexican food in Nampa, such a bright green color of sauce that it left me questioning if it was natural or not, Pat & I talked of a few things and working at the college. She then told me that she always had wanted to travel, but wasn’t able to because she had to take care of her mother. Apparently she was needing help for a long time which Pat did, staying in Nampa and working at Alberston’s College all her life, until she was old herself.

I was shocked to hear that a woman who had done so much in her life, such a well respected scientist who obviously knew more than most of us will ever hope to, would have any regrets like that. It had seemed to me that she had been everywhere and done that- scaling mountains and building herbariums while most women at that time would just hope to be a nurse or secretary at best. Luckily she was “trapped” in one of the most unique & diverse biological hotspots in the US, as well as one of the least explored.

Leslie Gulch- a "badland" area with spectacular scenery and a number of rare species that grow nowhere else

Leslie Gulch- a “badland” area with spectacular scenery and a number of rare species that grow nowhere else

But

the Chilean Arucarias call

from far on a distant ridge

with winds of the Pacific Ocean

blowing through their hair

the Senecio on Kilimanjaro

of these we have here too

but as herbs near streams

not Dr. Seuss trees

and even Death Valley

the one place no one really wants to go

is the one place a botanist must

like a Mecca of the SW US

only though when the conditions are perfect

the rain has fallen

the temperatures just right

does it become carpeted with rainbows

in which every scene

takes on a surreal quality of resurrection

for life

this fleeting ephemeral thing

was different everywhere

everytime

Death Valley in bloom

Death Valley in bloom

but instead we deal in minor nuances

checking every crack for something new

around every corner

doing forensic botany

in which days of life have long since past

drawn to the roots

blown to the wind

studying seed pods

becoming better at those with lesser glamor

more tedious and confusing

to identify

One of the more photogenic lichens- Texosporium sancti-jacobi- green woven spore lichen, also a very rare species in the NW. Many lichens can only be told apart by chemical tests and/or looking at minute features of the spores underneath a microscope.

One of the more photogenic lichens- Texosporium sancti-jacobi- green woven spore lichen, also a very rare species in the NW. Many lichens can only be told apart by chemical tests and/or looking at minute features of the spores underneath a microscope.

the minor details

the minor details

(no changes in the bigger picture)

and in those minor details

are all the plants that Pat Packard found

new to science and

that were named after her

without checking those

it is just another plant

another sagebrush

another pea

another …

So many pictures of Mt. Kilimanjaro, but yet people still don’t know what is in their backyards. But if you really wanted to find out, it would take your entire life & still you would only be skimming the surface. If you want to know everything and see everything- you can’t. Its just physically impossible. So you might as well go on vacation to Mt. Kilimanjaro.

And if you find your circumstances do not allow you to Mt. Kilimanjaro, just think of all the things that you could find in your own backyard. More than you could see and know in a lifetime.

Lomatium thompsonii, another desert parsley named after one of the 1st explorers to this area. Endemic to lower elevations in the Wenatchee Upper Valley.

Lomatium thompsonii, another desert parsley named after one of the 1st explorers to this area. Endemic to lower elevations in the Wenatchee Upper Valley.